Not About Elephants

Bobby: "Psssst. Don't tell anyone. It's our secret! There's an elephant in the living room, but we're pretending it's not really there and it's not really an elephant."

Billy: "But it smells and it's enormous!"

Bobby: "Just ignore it. Maybe it will go away."

Sounds pretty silly, doesn't it? Ignoring an elephant in the living room. How could anyone ignore an elephant in the living room?

Just think for a minute what it would be like. An elephant would take up most of the room. It would be difficult to watch TV, look out the windows, or see each other. Carrying on a conversation with an elephant in the living room would be tricky. And think what an elephant could do to the carpet.

How can you think of much else except how to clean up the mess the elephant makes? What do you do when company comes...put a doily on it? How can you even talk on the phone when there's an elephant trumpeting in the living room? And how do you convince the children, your friends, your family, and yourself there's not an elephant there?

Okay, so no sane person would keep an elephant in their living room.

The dialog about the elephant in the living room was written about alcoholism, but alcoholism isn't the only elephant, is it? An elephant in the living room is any problem that we don't want to talk about. It's the thing that we pretend isn't real, that we hide in corners and we sweep under the rug.

I chose to write a book about an elephant. My elephant is called sexual abuse.

This is the way I began my keynote address to the students who attended Wending Words, Journeying Toward Meaning. It was a great attention getter, and it set the stage for my topic, writing about a sensitive subject. I was able to share with the students my journey to publishing Some Secrets Hurt and why I write about sensitive subjects. I write to make a difference.

I shared with the kids my TV interview, we read my book together, and we talked about the statistics. As you may know, current stats indicate that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before the age of eighteen. This is shocking for most people to hear, but the kids never batted an eye. What do they know that we don't know?

We talked about what those numbers might represent in their individual high schools. Given the stats, everyone knows someone who has been sexually abused. One third of those who have been abused will never tell anyone. I asked the students what they could do to help someone who has been abused, especially if they don't know for sure. I suggested that we all could be a little kinder to everyone we meet, especially the ones who don't seem to fit in. What if the reason they don't fit in is because they are carrying a secret; a secret shame, a secret hurt, a secret that has shattered their self-esteem? Some Secrets Hurt.

I talked about some of my favorite illustrations in the book, and showed them how Brandilyn brought Maggie to life. I told the students how Brandilyn and I met and shared our passion for making a difference. I highlighted some of the important ideas presented in the book: Sexual abuse is never the victim's fault. Teenagers as well as children are targets for sexual abuse. Abusers are rarely strangers. Whether you are a child or a teenager, you need help to stop the abuse. The only way to get help is to tell an adult that you trust. If the adult you tell does not believe you, or does not help you, talk to someone else. Keep telling until you find someone who helps you. You can heal if you get help. It's really hard on your own.

I told the young writers that point of view is a writer's secret weapon. Point of view is what allows us to get into a character's head and understand what he or she is feeling and thinking. Maggie is what makes Some Secrets Hurt real. She softens a difficult message. We identify with her. We cheer for her. We want her to tell. We want her to get help. We hope her parents will believe her. Maggie is my hero.

If you want to write about an elephant, it is important that you

1. Believe in your elephant. How big is your passion? Is your passion as big as your elephant?
2. Know your facts. This helps you to tell the truth and be convincing.
3. Create a believable character and allow them to tell your story. You can talk about anything, if you do it in a character's voice. Get inside your character's head.

When I wrote Some Secrets Hurt, I wanted to give children and teenagers a voice. I wanted to give parents a tool. I wanted a book that was simple enough for young children, yet meaningful enough for teenagers. I wanted to write a book that was informative enough for parents and teachers, yet powerful enough to promote healing for victims of all ages. How could I write a book that would cross age boundaries, gender boundaries, cultural and religious boundaries?

This would have been a difficult task if I had tried to do it alone, but I had help. I had help from a little girl named Maggie.

Linda Garner

P.S.

If you would like to read about my closing address, Making a Difference, visit http://www.somesecretshurt.com/ tomorrow.

Things I Have Learned in 2008

2008 has been a good year for me. As I’ve looked back, I am impressed at the changes that have happened in my life. Some good, some bad, but all worthwhile. Since 2009 is coming, with a nice clean slate, I thought I’d share with you some of the things that I have learned this year.

First, don’t cook marshmallows in the microwave. Some of you may be saying, “Duh!” But you see, for Thanksgiving this year, I was in charge of the yams (the delicious kind with a bag of brown sugar poured in, topped with a dozen or two marshmallows). Since I was running late, I put them in the microwave. My microwave is still sticky. Need I say more?

Second, get a critique group! I am in three groups right now, and I love all three. I cannot tell you how helpful it is to have someone look at my work and say, “did you really write this,” or “this is totally working for you.” I have made lasting friendships from these groups, not to mention I have learned that it is impossible to mount a horse backwards without your knowledge (there is a horse's head in the way, silly). If you don’t have a critique group…GET ONE!

Third, teenagers can be more fun then adults let on. I have a teenager right now, and can I say -wow- what an amazing child. And you should hear the comments I get from my teenager’s friends when I start singing in the van during carpool. Priceless!

Fourth, go to as many writer’s conferences that you can (or can afford). I have met agents, publishers, and actual published authors. I have worked with award winning writers that have taught me more than I would have if I had not gone before. Some even know my name – hee hee hee. They know my name. *sigh* If you attend certain conferences, the agents who also attend will take time to read (yes read) your ms. Sweet!

Fifth, I’m never going to loose those last five pounds. So I’ve decided that this year, I will loose one pound and smile at my treadmill as I enjoy my pound of fudge. Okay, I won’t go that far, but come on people, I’ve gotta keep it real!

Sixth, join a local writer’s group. I didn’t think I would enjoy this as much as I have, but I joined a state writer’s league which meets once a month. Wow, those are some knowledgeable people. I’ve learned how to get my name out there, how to start a blog, and I have even met publishers that attend the groups. Pretty awesome.

So as you can see, 2008 was a worthwhile year for me. I can’t wait to see what 2009 has in store for me. I hope it comes with a totally fit body and a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream. *fingers crossed, fingers crossed*

Happy New Year’s everybody! =)