Thursday, September 29, 2011

I'm in Deep Reflection Today. Be Forewarned.

I've been experiencing quite a bit of interesting thoughts this week. My main contemplation is on the issue of pride (my stinkin' pride *fist shaking at self*).

This business is a tough one. I've had many friends published (either e-pub or traditional). Some of my friends have changed (not everyone, but some. And I'm not talking about changing from human to vampire or something like that. That would make for a much more interesting story). 

Two acquaintances of mine have been published and both have had national successes. But the way they have responded to their success has been so different and at such opposite sides of reaction, that I couldn't help take note.

Not only have I seen it in the writing world, but I have seen it in my person life. Just because someone is skinner than me, prettier, had different responsibilities...does that make them better than me? More important?

But it didn't stop there. I was in a meeting with a group of accomplished women, one of whom kept bringing up her past achievements, who she worked with, how she went the extra mile. I started to feel...well...jealous (and to be honest, a little bit small compared to her). So then I went off, embellishing in my past (honestly, if I was going to go off and feel terrible for it, I should have made it more I had super powers or something-j/k It was bad enough).

By the time we were leaving, I felt awful.

This is not the person I wanted to be. My pride and jealousy was getting in the way. Too far in the way.

I spent the next few days trying to sort things out, how to stop my mouth from vomiting such things in times of weakness (Why does it happen like that? Why can't my logical mind say..."Hey wait, if you say that you'll be eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's tonight." I'm just saying).

I'm still struggling with it. I hope it works out in the end (struggling with the words, not the Ben and Jerry's...well, my weight is, but that's a whole different story).

I guess it comes down to who do I want to be in the end of it all? The friend who thinks they are the best or the one who humbly accepts whatever may come their way?  

It's a slippery slope, one I hate falling down (And Ben and Jerry's is getting rich off me...curse that delicious ice cream).

So tell me, what do you do when you find yourself tackling tough issue like pride? What do you do when you get into a sticky situation? (Okay, and honestly, I don't eat a pint of Ben and Jerry''s more like a gallon of the generic stuff. It's good too. *wink*)


Elliot Grace said...

...Drew Barrymore once stood on a podium, basked in gown and glass slippers, with the world watching, expressions lined in contempt, and she whispered..."Just breathe."

Sometimes that's all we can do in situations like that...close one's eyes and exhale a breath.

(Man, am I a wussy for bringing up that movie, or what ;)

Seriously, don't sweat it, you did fine.


Linda Garner said...

No matter what anyone says or does, it is how you feel about yourself that really counts. Choosing to feel "less than" doesn't serve you well and it gives credibility to a lie.

People who need to show off their importance are usually insecure about their own value. Let it go.


Christy Monson said...

Sometimes it's nice to find someone who feels small and insignificant too. You're feelings will change, but I'm right there with you. Christy

Lenny Lee* said...

hi miss carolyn! you just gotta be who you are. wearing some one elses skin doesnt feel so good. i like part of the popeye song for that..."iam what i am and that all that i am. im popeye the sailor man" :)
...hugs from lenny

N. R. Williams said...

Hi Carolyn
Sorry I'm so late, I had to go to the doctor yesterday, oh fun. Nothing serious, just the check the blood pressure and so on.

This is a tough one. I would love to claim that I'm above it all. My reasonable mind says, the woman who was bragging doesn't feel good about herself. But when your in the middle of it, that's another story. We are who we are, if jealousy raises its ugly head I think we can at least learn from the experience and hopefully improve. I bet you're a sensitive person, good for you. That means your characters are well developed. On the negative side, it means that you don't feel fabulous about yourself all the time. That is the way I am. Take care.
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium