Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Happy Autumn

Don't you love autumn? I love it all. I love the gorgeous colors, the fall scents, the sound of whispering leaves, and the hint of change that's everywhere. Today, I'd love to share an autumn poem with you. I hope you enjoy it.

Song of Autumn

I love a touch of autumn and the crispness in the air,
when winter’s icy fingers leave a message here and there.
The emerald days of summer begin to melt away,
and nature’s finest paintbrush is invited for the day.
Rich color spills across the earth and sings a song of change,
while summer takes a final bow and dances off the stage.
Soft color enters shyly and just winks to us at first,
then gathers courage, begins to sings, and finally just bursts.
At touch of gold, a hint of rust, a smattering of yellow,
a bit of pink, a dab of red, and just a smidge of purple.
All those color voices make a chorus for our eyes
with melody and harmony completing the surprise.
An autumn wind hums softly. There is music in the breeze.
There is singing, and there’s dancing, and there’s magic in the trees.
The color song crescendos, and the autumn dance begins,
and the forest ladies shimmer in the music of the wind.
Their leafy bodies tremble to the rhythm of the day,
as they curtsy in full color, and they pirouette and sway.
Oh, I love the dance of autumn and the music for my eyes,
the symphony of color under smoky autumn skies.
I am dazzled by the yellows and the crimsons and the browns,
when all the forest ladies put on their dancing gowns.

Happy Autumn!
Linda Garner

If you missed my Studio 5 interview, you can see it now on http://www.somesecretshurt.com/.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

So Here's the Skinny on the Fat of it

I’m at 31,000 words on my first draft and very happy about it. New ideas are pouring in, there’s a dead body, a mysterious guy, a first kiss, and a gruesome doll with a handful of mayonnaised corncobs (the kind on the stick that are good for defense – like the corn in Nacho Libre). I would have added the video, but my daughter told me it wasn't funny at all - and too too gruesome. Corncobs in the eyes? Ewww.

Yes, things are rolling along.

My awesome critique group and I spent the afternoon the other day, laughing it up and plotting my character’s next move. Those characters are so dang funny! Plus they always surprise me (Why did that girl write that poem in the first place? I mean …really?).

My goal. To have my ms finished by the New Year. Revise and hand it over to my gay-not-gay agent man. Hum…he might not like me calling him that. It’s okay, he is awesome…and destined to by my agent (he doesn’t know that, so don’t tell him). Hee hee hee hee. Oh I mean, mwa ha ha ha. Really, he is an amazing agent.

*sigh - wiping a tear from the corner of my eye from mwa ha-ing too much*

Yes, things are moving in the right direction and I hope they keep going that way. I just have to keep on writing.

Woo hoo for greasy corn on the cob! Sorry, that just came out of nowhere.

OH I forgot to thank everyone for their help last week (finding time to write). That's why I got so much done! Thanks, thanks, thanks!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Poor, Poor Hannah

Recently Friend-Husband’s brother Rich, and wife Andrea told us that their 8 year old daughter Hannah loves to write stories.

I was excited. “Really?” I said, “You need to nurture that.”

“Well,” they continued, “There’s a problem.”

“A problem?” I asked.

“Yes, a big problem. She would rather write stories than do her chores. She would rather write stories than clean her room or help out around the house.”

I was shocked. I was aghast. “Oh no,” I wailed. “Tsk. Tsk,” I mourned. “She has it bad, doesn’t she? Poor Poor Hannah.”

“Yes,” they said with heads bowed low.

“Maybe she could marry someone like Friend-Husband, who actually enjoys cleaning house (go figure),” I said hopefully, “but what are the chances?”

We all shook our heads in silence.

“There is one other thing,” I mentioned cautiously.

They looked at me expectantly.

“Shock Therapy” I said.

They looked concerned.

“It’s her only hope,” I whispered. “It’s drastic, though.”

“Tell us more,” they said with hope in their eyes.

“It starts with dinner dishes,” I began.

“Dinner Dishes?” they asked. Now they were excited.

“Exactly. Do not let her anywhere near the dinner dishes.” “Mopping floors is bad,” I continued. “She must not be allowed to sweep or mop floors.” The list continued, “No yardwork. Banish her from bathroom duty. You get the idea."

“What?” Our tearful relatives looked surprised. “Are you sure this will help?”

“Wait, there’s more,” I said. “You must surround her with good books and encourage her to read a lot. Her future is at stake.”

“Read a lot?” they queried.

“Oh, yes, of course, and notebooks. She must have many, many notebooks and pens and pencils of all colors and sizes.”

“Notebooks, pens, pencils?” they wondered.

I nodded solemnly. “A dictionary and thesaurus are a must,” I added. “Believe me, she will soon be begging for mercy. She will be dying to clean toilets.”

“She will?” they asked, with tears in their eyes.

“Absolutely,” I answered, “either that, or…she’ll become a writer.”

Linda Garner


I love you, Hannah, and if you haven’t guessed, I’d rather write than clean house, too.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Supermom and a Slice of Toast

“Let me see your shirt.” My youngest son said as I took his cup to fill it with milk before he fell asleep.

I turned and showed him my awesome blue shirt with the red and yellow “S” on the front.
“Hey, that’s a Superman shirt!” He smiled at me.

“Yup.” I didn’t think much of his words as I walked to the kitchen, just a few feet away from his room.

“I have a Superman shirt too, but my shirt has a belt on it.” It’s true. His shirt does have a cool iron-on belt with funky imaginary gadgets on it. I'd love to have one of those rings that the Wonder Twins had...Carolyn an Ice cube (do you notice they were either monkeys or ice cubes? What's up with that?)

“I love ya honey.” I handed him the cup and gave him a quick smile before heading out of his room into the hallway.

“I love ya too, Supermom.”

I took a deep breath as I stopped in mid-step, a little stunned at such a great thing coming from his mouth. I placed my hands on my hips and whispered to myself, “I am Supermom.” Somehow a burst of wind threw my hair back behind me (even though the windows were all closed and the a/c was off).

I felt like I could do anything, except getting that stain out of the bottom of the toilet. Nothing could get rid of that, not even raiser beams shooting from my eyes (that would be so cool).

Now if I could only make time stop (and finish that laundry...man why do I always have laundry?).

Have a great week everyone. Keep on keepin' on!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Today is the day I get to start talking to parents about sexual abuse. Today is the day I get to empower kids to honor and respect their bodies. Today is the day that I tell parents to teach their kids about sexual touching and to tell them that no one has the right to touch them in this way.

Today is the day that I tell parents that the only thing worse than finding out that your child has been sexually abused, is not finding out. Today is the day that I ask parents to be a safe harbor for their kids, to be there for them, to stand up for them, and to be a safe person for them to talk to.

Today is the day that I tell parents that the best time for kids to hear this information is before they experience abuse. Today is the day that I tell them that the best day to start is today. Today is the day that I ask them to talk to their kids, whether they are boys or girls, teenagers or toddlers. Today is the best day to start.

Today is the day that I offer parents a tool and children a voice. Today I will be talking about Some Secrets Hurt on Studio 5. It airs at 11:00 a.m., on KSL (channel 5).

I hope you'll be watching. And, if today is not a good day for you, how about tomorrow. The Studio 5 segment will be available on my website, www.somesecretshurt.com, later this week.

Linda Garner

Monday, September 14, 2009

Set Your TiVo

It's not my day to blog, but some of you asked for a reminder, so...here it is. The day is tomorrow. I will be on Studio 5, tomorrow. (That's Tuesday, September 15.) The show airs at 11:00 a.m. on KSL which is channel 5. Watch if you can, or Tivo (that's probably not how you spell it...sorry) it. And if all else fails you can catch it on www.somesecretshurt.com in a day or two.

I'm very excited, and just a little scared. Please send lots of happy thoughts and positive energy my way. We're all connected, and we can support each other, even when we're not together.

The segment will be really short, but it's a start. Let's all start standing up for kids. Keeping kids safe is everyone's job. Let's spread the word.

Linda Garner

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Help Me Out Here

Okay, I know it's Thursday. I really do. And it is my day to post. So here I am planning a birthday, funeral, the babysitter for the wedding. Oh, and I have to make cookies for the writer's group. I have one hour to peel and freeze two bushels of peaches. To top that off, I think I just saw something move in my dirty clothes (please be a mutated old sock...) Oh man, jury duty is tomorrow.

But no need to worry, that's just today...and a little bit of tomorrow.

So here's my question for you. When do you find time to write? Morning, evening, afternoon- midnight with a flashlight in the bathroom with the door locked tight with a box of Twinkies by your side?

I really need some help here. ..

Oh, and Thanks for the help! =)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Studio 5: Can you believe it?

Can you believe it? I am going to be on Studio 5. One week from today on September 15 at 11:00, I will be on the air. Have you seen Studio 5? It’s a neat show with lots of features about current trends and new ideas. I am so excited to be able to share Some Secrets Hurt on such a great show. Spread the word.

Am I nervous? That’s what everyone wants to know. Should I be? I am not the least bit nervous about my message. I love talking to people about Some Secrets Hurt. I love talking about protecting kids and empowering them to take control of their own bodies. I love giving parents tools so that they can talk to their kids about sexual abuse. I love getting teachers and other adults on board. Keeping kids safe is everyone’s job. I envision a caring community that is committed to kids and works together to protect them.

So, I think I’m not nervous. On the other hand, though, I am a little bit OCD about what to wear. Does this make me look fat? Is this color good on me? Should I wear dressy or casual? I have been spending a lot of time (and money) at Christopher Banks, my favorite store, and I have been experimenting with my hair and makeup. I changed to brown mascara like that Dressing Your Truth lady said I should, and I tried some of her very expensive products, so that I could look good.

I know that this is not about me, or my clothes and hair; it’s about the message. I just want to be a good messenger.

This is not my message; this is Heavenly Father’s message. He wants Some Secrets Hurt in every home where it can make a difference. He wants adults everywhere to teach kids about the sacredness of their bodies. He wants them to be able to stand up for themselves. He wants us to teach them how to say no. He wants us to stop abuse from happening so that his kids can heal. He wants us to stop the epidemic and be part of the solution. He wants us to reach out to teenagers who are at risk, and to wounded adults who don’t know how to heal.

I am honored to be a voice for children. I am not afraid to talk about sexual abuse. I am not nervous about teaching truth. I am excited to represent kids on T.V. I just want to look good, so that I can represent them well.

Hey, what are you doing later today? How about coming over and helping me figure out what to wear? We could experiment with my hair, and you could tell me if my new makeup looks orange. We could even talk about making a difference for kids.

Be sure to watch Studio 5 next Tuesday at 11:00 on KSL. If you can’t watch it, maybe you can record it. There is strength in numbers. Though we won’t be in the same room, I’m sure I’ll feel your strength. Together, we can make a difference.

Linda Garner

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Need Thou not be Afraid

I have a strange fondness for Napoleon Dynamite.

Maybe it reminds me of how awkward I was in high school, or perhaps it has something to do with Deb’s puffy sleeves. (I have a picture of me in high school with some wicked puffy sleeves on my prom dress…and the hair-wall…Bodacious!)

And who can forget the touching moment when Nacho Libre looks at Chancho with feeling and says, “Chancho, when you are a man…sometimes you wear stretchy pants…in your room…It is for fun.”

Jared & Jerusha Hess have done it again.

Gentlemen Broncos is coming to a theater near you (October 2009).

The first time I watched this hilarious preview, milk spewed out from my nose. It was that good. Take a look.

Being a writer and attending many conferences, I couldn’t help but fall down in laughter when Jemaine Clement, who plays Ronald Chevalier, quotes the line that I’m sure will be quoted for many years to come:

“I assuming you love to write fantasy fiction, except the character names in your stories are suffering. Need thou not be afraid. We can add –onius, -ainus, or…-anous, to just about anything and it becomes magical.”

I wish I would have had this information before writing that YA fantasy fiction. I could have changed my character names to Deronius and Kathainus.

Maybe I can just change my name to Carolonius. It sounds so magical.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Spray, Tug, Smooth, Hang to Dry

How do you feel about ironing? I am not a big fan of ironing, so I got a little excited when I saw something new in the detergent aisle at the grocery store. Well, it was new to me, but it may be old to you. I think it was called a wrinkle releaser. You spray it on your clothes (Hmmm, is that wet clothes, or dry clothes?) then you tug and smooth and let the article hang dry. Sounds great, doesn’t it. I was almost salivating, but then I wondered…Does it really work?

I’ve spent a lot of money over the years on stuff that was supposed to be fabulous, and really wasn’t, so I was a teeny bit suspicious about investing my $3.59 on an unproven product. Has anyone ever used this stuff? Does it work?

My second thought was, if it works…is it only for clothes? Is there a chance it could work on skin? Could I spray some on my face, then tug, smooth, and air dry. What a fun thought. No more crow’s feet. Smile lines begone. It’s a great idea, don’t you think.

And why stop there? I could use a little help ironing out the wrinkles in my life, couldn’t you? Family problems? Spray, tug, smooth, hang to dry. Personal problems? Spray, tug, smooth, hang-dry. Kids giving you grief? Spray, tug, smooth, hang…dry. Tempting isn’t it.

And what about that writing glitch? The plot that won’t plot? The dialogue that’s stuck? The never ending story? A wrinkle in time? You know what I’m talking about. You’ve been there. How’d you like some magic spray? Quick run to the grocery store and grab a bottle. Spray, tug, smooth, and hang to dry.

Linda Garner

Scroll down to see me having breakfast with Erika Hansen. Erika Hansen is the former Miss Iron County. She entered the pageant on a platform of preventing sexual abuse. She is awesome. Read about her tomorrow, on my website blog at www.somesecretshurt.com.

Breakfast with Erika Hansen

Here I am having breakfast with Erika Hansen. Erika was Miss Iron County until a few weeks ago. She has an amazing story. Get the scoop tomorrow on somesecretshurt.com