Thursday, May 7, 2009

Why can’t I get this stinkin’ lid back on?...Stupid…Pandora.

I think this is the week. This is the week I’m giving up writing.

I mean, how many times do I have to sit at that blank computer screen and try to think of something that might wow and surprise?

Then there are the highs and lows. Am I good enough to be published? Will people enjoy what I’m writing? Will I stop eating those candy bars that I long for while I’m writing? I mean, seriously, I need to loose ten pounds (but I will settle for five).

Do we need to mention the time it takes? Four hours for one stinkin’ chapter. And that’s only if there is a good idea and no carpool, scouts, after school practices, blogging. Well…there has to be blogging.

And the rules….the rules. Did you know there were rules to writing? Don’t use ly adverbs, don’t start a sentence with and or but or or for that matter. Is it alright or all right? Cut down on those pesky…. Ellipses….(although I really think they are awesome). Please, please, please don’t always start a sentence with "I did"…"I think"…"I will." Mix up your I’s up a little.

But then there are the things that I will miss.

When the principal of your children’s school asks what you do for a living and you say, “I write." She looks at you with awe instead of disdain and says, “I didn’t know that.” From then on out she remembers your name at every school function (that is until your toddler accidentally dumps a liter of red fruit punch on the school’s new white table clothes that are only used during the extra special events. Then suddenly she forgets who you are). (I’m just kidding, that only happened once.) (Really, the punch spilling didn't happen at all. She's awesome. I mean it. Really. Man, I hope she's not reading this post. That came out totally wrong.)

Trying to get such-and-such a character together with such-a-such even though you know they just hate each other on the exterior, but deep down they know they would make the perfect pair.

In your story, bumping off that high school teacher that said you would only amount to being the school’s award winning dirt eater. What is a dirt eater anyway? And are there worms involved?

Taking your experimental chapter to a large critique session and having the entire table explode in laughter. You try so hard not to laugh with them until tears run down your checks (because that would be weird if you laughed that hard at your own stuff).

Writing is like opening Pandora’s box and not being able to put the lid back on. You've got the good and the bad. Plus, once you start, you just can’t stop!

So, I guess I won’t be giving up writing for this week. Ask me again next week. Right now I have to crack open this ten pack of Hershey’s chocolate bars and get back to work. Ohhhh, I think what’s her name should get together with hot-looking guy. But not until that one teacher falls down dead in her cream of asparagus soup. * contemplating as I gaze up at ceiling with melted chocolate on fingers * Sweet!


LexiconLuvr said...

Hey, when did we ever laugh at you? Never! I tell you! Never!

And you'd better NOT quit writing!!! I'll submit your MS to publishers myself if I have to!

You're an awfully amazing writer and the world needs someone with your...unique humor. =]

p.s. Did you notice that I broke every rule you listed? =]

Carolyn V. said...

No, you didn't laugh at me, you laughed with me and my funny, funny piece. That was awesome. hee hee.

As for breaking the rule....I love you so much more already (or is it all ready).

Linda Garner said...

Carolyn, You are one funny lady. You make me smile. You make me laugh. I need that. We all need that. Write on. Love, LG

Carolyn V. said...

Thanks Linda!
(I like to hear your laugh.) =)

Anonymous said...

I so completely understand! Pandora should be shot! Well, maybe only with a BB gun, but someone's got to answer for this chaos we call being a writer!

Don't give up - dive headlong into the Hershey's if you have to... hmm, that sounds like a good idea... maybe I'll get me some PB M&Ms... mmmmmmmmmmm....

Carolyn V. said...

Mmmmmm, peanut butter mnm's. So delish.

Thanks Weston. I'll keep pluggin' along. =)

But first, must...take...finals. Over tonight....

Amber Lynae said...

I love your post. And your title made me laugh... but I wasn't laughing at you... I thought it was quite clever, and just my style. Keep on writing you are awesome.

Carolyn V. said...

Thanks Amber!!! You totally made my day! I love making someone laugh! =)