What if?

The power was out yesterday. Doesn't happen very often, but it gave me a chance to think about what if?

If there was a disaster, could we keep warm? If we couldn't cook our food, what would we eat? If we couldn't go to the store would we have enough? How long would our toilet paper last? That's one thing I never want to run out of. Seriously.

I was able to use my laptop, but not the internet. It was inconvenient. What would I do without the internet, and more importantly, what would I do when my laptop battery ran out. If I couldn't use my laptop, could I still write?

I used to write with paper and pencil, and used to prefer it, even when I got my first, second, and third computer. I don't prefer it anymore, but in a pinch I could do it again.

I'm spoiled. I love electricity. An extended blackout would be inconvenient and uncomfortable. I wonder what we would miss the most. I wonder what we would run out of.

I hope I never run out of ideas. I have extras, but where can I store them.

My laptop?

Linda Garner

Haunted

I ignored my computer today.

I walked away from it, and exercised instead. About time. I did yoga and 104 sit ups. It felt great. No one reads this stuff anyway.

I could tell my computer wasn’t happy, so I took a quick peek at my email, and then hurried to the kitchen. “Just having breakfast,” I said loudly. “Normal people do that, you know.”

My computer didn’t argue, but I could tell she was upset.

“I’m having a normal day, today,” I said. “Normal people don’t spend 5 hours a day in front of their lap top. Normal people don’t check their email every five minutes. I’m going to be normal. I’m going to get a life.”

My lappie rolled her eyes at me. I swear she did.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” I said. “Agents don’t like me. Publishers don’t keep their promises. And besides that nobody buys books anymore. Didja ever hear of the public library?”

“Hummmmmm.”

“Are you, like…humming at me? What’s up with that? Don’t hum at me, okay. I have nothing to write, okay? I’m out of ideas. Watch me be normal. Watch me…sweep the floor. Normal people sweep, okay.”

That floor was awfully dirty. Maybe I should sweep more often. What else do normal people do? Oh, yeah. “ I think I’ll make my bed.”

The bed was worse than I thought. I tossed the sheets in the washer. “Just act normal,” I thought.

“Whirrrrrrr. Click. Click.”

“Hey, don't whirrr at me. Remember last week when the doorbell rang and I wasn’t even dressed. It was almost noon and I was in front of my computer in my pjs. Normal people get dressed in the morning. I’m hopping in the shower. I can’t hear you.”

This is great. I'm clean. I'm dressed. I’m having a normal day. If somebody knocks on my door, I’ll be ready. Normal people don’t write every day. They don’t.

“Whatever.”

“What? Whatever? I mean, I can’t hear you. I’m running errands, just like a normal person. I’m out the door. I have two, six, maybe seven errands. I may be gone all day.” Slam. “Who does that computer think she is.”

Whew. Quiet at last.

Wait a minute. What’s that rustling in the back seat. “Who’s there?”

That’s better. Wait, do I hear whispering?

Oh no. It’s the words. They followed me here. They sneaked in the car and they’re trying to get my attention. This is crazy.

“Shh. No talking. Shhhhhhhh.”

“Whisper, whisper, whisper.”

“I’m turning on the radio.”

Dancing. "You're not dancing." They’re dancing. “Stop that. Don’t dance. I'm telling you, words are not supposed to dance. I mean it. Stop.”

So much for normal.

Haunted.

Linda Garner

Don't Baptize your Laptop

I’m running behind today. Lots of catching up to do. My cute little granddaughter baptized my laptop last week. It was fatal. Good thing she is adorable, and also innocent. I’m trying to make friends with my new laptop while catching up from being on the go last month.

April was amazing but crazy. Suzuki piano convention, BYU Women’s Conference, the Writer’s Extravaganza in Ephraim, followed by LDS Storymakers Conference the first week of May. Phew. I’m a little worn up and a lot behind.

Made lots of new friends at all of the above. I also had an article published in Meridian Magazine which I’d love for you to read. Meridian is an online magazine primarily for an LDS audience. They have lots of non-LDS readers as well, so don’t be put off by that. Here is the link to my article, called How Could This Happen to Us. Click here.

The Whitney Awards were announced following the Storymakers Convention. This was my first year to vote and I am very excited about the winners. If you are looking for a good read. Here are some fabulous choices.

Best Romance Novel: Cross my Heart by Julie Wright
Best Mystery/Suspense Novel: Cold as Ice by Stephanie Black
Best Historical Novel: Trespass by Sandra Grey
Best General Novel: Band of Sisters by Annette Lyon
Best Speculative Novel: The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson
Best Speculative Youth Fiction Novel: Matched by Ally Condie
Best General Youth Fiction Novel: The Healing Spell by Kimberely Griffiths Little
Best Novel by New Author: Paranormalcy by Kiersten White
Best Novel of the Year: The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson
AND Mr. Monster by Dan Wells

About baptizing your laptop. It’s a lot less painful if you have a reliable backup. About a month ago, I starting backing up with Carbonite. Best $60.00 I ever spent.

Linda Garner

General Doctors Warning….Beware of Writer’s Butt

WARNING:

Do not use lappy with:

• Chocolate cream filled pastries, the kind that are tempting at midnight
• Real vanilla ice cream with homemade fudge toppings
• Any type of homemade cookies – especially with pink fluffy icing
  

Stop Use and Ask Doctor If:

• You find your rear not fitting on the couch as comfortably as last year
• Cravings of said pastries, fudge topping, or cookies persist or get worse when you write or pick up your laptop
• Symptoms do not improve or get worse
• You find yourself plotting when is the best time to write and eat those delicious fruit filled donuts without the kids finding out, so you won’t have to share
  

In case of Accidental creative overdose:

• Put down that chocolate carb filled delicacy
• Find a gym immediately
• Don’t call 911 or your mother-in-law to complain, neither will appreciate it
• Start writing a technical research paper (this cures all)

Other Information:

• Do not use laptop if a ten pound bag of caramels has just been purchased
• You are experiencing writer’s block and believe they only way to resolve it is to take a break and crack open that box of triple fudge chocolate chip brownies, (JUST SAY NO)

If you fear you have writer’s butt, please see a treadmill immediately.

Why or why didn’t anyone warn me about writer’s butt?